got back from the interview in one piece on thursday night. jetlagued to death, but i made it relatively okay. that crazy allergy/cough i've been going through followed me throughout the night and the flight back home. the feeling was certainly not *cute*!

come friday, i tried to do some catch up work at the office. i end up getting caught up in things till around noon which prompted me to rush back home to try to get my ass to buffalo for my boss' wedding. needless to say i missed it and feel like a heel and a half! i'm sure i'm never going to live this one off. oh well. i tried, i really did.

the majority of this weekend was spent catching up with sleep believe it or not. i think i've slept more this weekend than i normally do in any given week! FOR REAL! it's kinda scary.

last night i went to this party with frank at the 930 club called BLOWOFF. definitely something different. it's hard to describe -- some kind of alt-rock gay dance party with a distinct leather bear edge. truly something to see to believe. it was fun and i caught up with a lot of the nation / apex party boys as well as a slew of others that i haven't seen out in ages. mostly a lot of my old club kid friends from tracks days. skippy ~ glen ~ a whole bunch of others. as me and glen were dancing, we made a comment on how it was like the old days back at tracks and more recently when the 930 club space was also used for the millenium dance parties in '98-'99. he was quick to remind me how i first met him over 15 years ago at tracks when i just got back from college. wow! talk about timewarp.

okay -- i got the call to go interview for the job in portland. gotta fly out to long beach this evening. my allergies are killing me and i'm still a wreck. sleep? hmm -- i guess i can do that on the plane. it appears it's going to be a nice day. we'll see...

i had dinner with the roommates this evening. collin decided to cook porkchops and some kind of rice thinggy. it was yummy. considering all of the craziness going on in our little circle of friends, it was quite ironic that all of the members the house i live in were home at the same time and actually sitting down and having a real MEAL! one would have thought in the past that we didn't eat food at all consdering what was (or wasn't) in the refridgerator. all i eat really while at home is just cereal. collin asked what kind of vegetable i would like. my only response was, "i normally eat at mcdonald's! how would i know?" His response was, "Ketchup really isn't a vegetable." "Oh."

this, past weekend was indeed a weekend of revelations. it was (and still is) a test of friendship. during the course of a long discussion on saturday night with someone i know, i have come to the realization that i definitely have an issue with me developing these little *crushes* with my friends. we really couldn't pinpoint where and why this happens but i can safely deduce that it usually occurs when i start feeling comfortable with them. after i get to know someone and start spending more time with them, emotions come into play and i end up getting lost in there somewhere. i do have the sense not to act on these *crushes* as most of them would probably end in disaster. it happened the first time back in the fall and literally made me CRAZY and SKETCHY to the n'th degree! i'm really good friends with this person now and appreciate him on a much more higher level. it's happened again more recently with someone else. it didn't get to the point where i needed to be committed or anything, but i've grown to actually figure out how to spot it. the key, now, is to figure out or be able to differentiate what these feelings are. it just seems so crazy that at 37, i'm just now trying to figure out shit like this. i've never really been in love before. going back, again, to one of the internal conflicts of my immediate social circle -- it just makes me wonder if it's really worth falling in love with someone. i may just seems a bit jaded, but what do i have to look forward to?

friendships are such an important factor in my life. i grew up as an only child in a relatively decent family for about 12 years before my fist sibling came along. just your general middle class immigrant family in the suburbs of maryland. i was born in the philippines, from my understanding, into a fairly affluent family. i grew up with my grandparents taking care of me while my parents worked abroad. i even had a personal nanny take me from the philippines to the united states. from that end, i was never really close to my parents because they probably didn't know how to deal with me let alone come to a foreign country where we didn't have maids and cooks attending to us. back in the 70's i was your typical run of the mill latch-key child. i remember as young as 6 i would have a key around my neck to get me into the apartment and wait until my mom got home from work to cook dinner. for about 3-4 hours in a day, i'd be at home putzing around and watching tv or something. this probably resulted in me always feeling alone and was very much an introvert most of my life. as i grew older, i slowly came out of my shell. i have come to terms with me being gay. i have grown to understand why and how my parent's and the rest of my family have become BORN AGAIN CHRISTIANS. i have progressed a lot in my personal well being and growth -- just as anyone else should as they grow older and experience life. fast forward to 2004 -- i move back to washington, dc after a few years hopping all over the country basically trying to get through with life. i have come across a group of friends in dc who i have grown into a very close relationship with. moreso than possibly any instance in my lifetime. with this set of friends comes along an exponential amount of ancilliary other people i have gotten to meet, yet keeping the core group strong and (somewhat) healthy. as i have rambled on in my other postings here over the past few years, my acquaintance level has skyrocketed in the past 6-7 months compared to who i knew previously. acquaintances, yes, i have many -- friends -- or better yet -- FAMILY -- i just have my key core group. over the past few months and more specifically in the past 24 hours, things have more than fallen apart. no need to go into specific details. suffice to say, i'm still trying to be my typical self -- even keeled, relatively unaffected, holding it all in until that one day or moment where it will just explode. whenever THAT happens -- god help the soul who's on the other end of that conversation. trust me -- it get's messy. that's just one of my non-confrontational passive aggressive things that i do. i really need to work on that.

it's april! daylight savings time just kicked-in/kicked-out ... i dunno ~ whichever. it's just cold and rainy. i'm at work on a sunday night and it ain't cute. thank GOD i got some sleep yesterday. imagine that! i was supposed to go to nyc and hang with glen and jay but the J-O-B gave me a ring to help out with a little drama, hence me being here at work.

i'm going into *crush* mode again -- forget the *friend* pool that i've been fishing from lately. i'm kinda over that right now. this time with a bear couple that works with the company. they came in today to help out and what not. i need to find a way to flirt with them. some bear daddy action might be some fun! LOL.

still awaiting word for this portland transfer. that station is going to open in about a month and it seems that they haven't been pushing forward with hiring people -- at least for the job i'm applying for. CHANGE will be good, right?